Underwhelmed by the honour

I am now a web officer for my professional (ooh, hark at 'er) association.

I don't know how to write web pages. Ha ha.

part of 'O thou the central orb'

Let thy bright beams disperse the gloom of sin, our nature all shall feel eternal day, in fellowship with thee, transforming clay to souls erewhile unclean, now pure within. Amen.

I felt very inspired when we sang this last Saturday. Our conductor punched the air at the end. He'd given us a pep talk at the rehearsal; he said it should be 'fervent'.

What do you eat for lunch?

I never want to eat another vacuum packed sandwich. I can't bear any more. So what can I eat for lunch instead?

Marv's life in nicknames - inspired by Dan

James Lee Pig
Devoted husband and friend, pursuing a career in the world of illustratuion and intellectual French comics. I like to feel sorry for him, even thought there is no reason.

Clarence Clodpole/Little Rence, little chap/The little clod

Brother, banjo/guitar maniac, and globetrotter.

Dad.

Stars as himself. A Noble Gentleman. Called 'sir' by all who meet him.

Margaret Sunnyface

Mischievous gremlin disguised as devoted musician.

Yoda (Jerome thought of this and it's startlingly accurate)

Wise grandmother, doctor, and supremely excellent violinist.

The Boss

It's so much easier to do what Jerome wants. Resistance is futile.

The Great

Archaeologist whose cider drinking inspires shamanic trances and brilliant blogging.
You can read about his adventures at www.pintandagibber.blogspot.com

Mr Metadata

Brings metadata wisdom to the wild domains of museums, archives, and libraries or gets paid to cast pearls before swine. Keeps all his CDs in alphabetical order on custom-made shelves.

Screaming Woman

Close friend and bridesmaid. In Zambia.

Sparkey

Close friend and bridesmaid, fellow LM Montgomery devotee, engaged to Lovely Ben.

Lovely Ben

A very lovely young man. Still less than 30.

Sunshine Man

Has curly hair, always happy, does everything brilliantly, everyone likes him.

Curly-haired superbeings

Children of Sunshine Man.

Marvin Marblesons

Purveyor of nicknames, archivist, aspiring but lazy musician who would like to have the talent of any of the rest of her family.

Chirpy

Cheerful and forthright Australian cousin.

"Miss Smith" said in comedy posh accent

Beautiful, talented, and angelic former housemate.

Tundra Man

Former housemate. Attacked burglars with large purple roleplaying rubber sword. Fond of loud symphonies. Brilliant gameplayer. Can drink an entire bar and feel slightly tired for an hour in the morning. Drinks mead. Likes live action roleplaying. Encouraged me to read first 6 books of The Wheel of Time, in which the words, "She crossed her arms beneath her breasts" appear in every single chapter.

Chrissy Wissy

PR wizard, former advertiser of Brain's Faggots, who does not look anything like Chrisotpher Biggins. Admirer of my beauty, stern critic of my fashion sense.

Gibber

Talking about finances is very stressful. I need to have a quick gibber.

Why do we have all these programmes about cosmetic surgery? What is entertaining about it?

I need to hoover the floor.

I have lots of new songs not to learn. I am scared to try and play the violin because i will be so rubbish.

Will I emerge unscathed from the Hobbiton Village fete this weekend? Will I cope with the joy of spending my first weekend at home with Little Brother and the Genius Dan and Jerome?

Will I have time to go to the guitar festival next weekend?

I wonder when Screaming Woman, currently in Zambia, will come home?

I miss C and L. We haven't seen them for ages.

I wish I could get a key to the cage where my colleciton lives.

"The internet is to the CD what railways were to the canals," says a pundit on Newsnight. Discuss.

Summary

I just found this plot summary of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It makes it sound like a really dull book that no-one would ever want to read. The film is released in November, my birthday month.

Harry finds himself selected as an underaged competitor in a dangerous multi-wizardary school competition.

Little guinea pig

Teenage kakapo return to kakapo sanctuary

Said in a tone of disgust in Vassar College bookshop

"They've put Joe Sacco in the science fiction section."

Jetlagged owl

Getting up early is so civilised. It's 7am.

I am an owl. I love the night. The early morning feels like the night too, only it's light. It's a beautiful morning. I wish I could get up earlier. It would be life-changing.

Jetlagged gibber

I have decided to go to bed at 8pm. Only three hours to go. It's too hot. Perhaps I will do my washing.

The Great Dan has written an even more genius post than the last post I said was genius . (may the gods of grammar strike me down for that sentence)

still here, chums...the gods ran out of lightning

ahem...

here's a bit of gibber about America. It's fun to laugh at the fat people and I don't feel guilty because they're Americans. Tailored shorts are standard American dress. A mean waiter in a bar asked for my ID and I didn't have any so I had to leave. I'm going grey! It was very hot in New York then it poured for most of our week driving round Vermont. We saw James's lovely brother. We went to a fantastic wedding and I ate lots of nice steak. I never want to eat cake or fried food again. We saw the Michael Jackson verdict live. I wish I didn't care. James has loads of nice friends in New York. It's sad we can't see them more often. We went to four museums in a week. I like museums. We saw a Lower East Side tenement. The next day we saw the Vanderbilt house. The next day I became a revolutionary socialist. I am so glad to be at home, although at the moment it feels like a dream home inhabited by someone else and I am sure i will have to leave and stay in another Best Western. We drove a bright blue car. The wedding was wonderful: the bride looked beautiful, the food was great, and we boogeyed on the dance floor in between the courses of the meal.

MOre gibber later.

For Pete (version 2*)

Pete Ashton has asked me to do this quiz. This has some connection with a blogger term called 'meme', which I am too wet behind the ears to understand. But no doubt James or other wise person will explain if it is really important. (note 1, James doesn't know)

This will be a crappy post cos I'm jetlagged and didn't get any sleep last night. James sensibly slept through the entire flight, but, hey, he is James and I am Marv.

So, here goes:

Total Number Of Books I've Owned


I can't be bothered to answer this question. If I could be bothered, I would add the linear metreage of the shelving in my old room in Hobbiton to the linear metreage here at Brogue Towers, minus the comics ;). But I'm too jetlagged and I hate statistics. Anyone with any sense borrows books from libraries instead of buying them. Then if they're rubbish you can take them back and you have't wasted any money. I don't do this; note I said 'anyone with any sense'.

The Last Book I Bought
The Last Kingdom, by Bernard Cornwell. I thought it would be a good historical thriller to read on the plane to the States, like his King Arthur books. But it wasn't. It was boring: very repetitive style, not much of a plot, and an unattractive hero and lots of gratuitous descriptiosn of people being killed. Disappointing.

The Last Book I Read
It was nearly The Last Kingdom, which would have saved me an entry, but it was in fact Half a short story by Faulkner, sneakily read while James wasn't looking (it's his book). Very good. I should read more classic fiction to save myself from the experiences above.

Five Books That Mean a Lot To Me.

Oh dear, this is hard. I'm very grateful to Pete for asking me this, as I amused myself with this question for about 3 days in the back of the car driving around Vermont. A quick disclaimer - I am taking 'book' to mean novel. On this basis I am leaving out Shakespeare and The Lord of the Rings and poetry.

1. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

I'm too tired to try and say why this book is good. Villette by Charlotte is very good as well. I would burble on about the prose style and the Russian doll structure and the discipline and anarchy together if I didn't need to go to sleep.

2. Beloved by Toni Morrison

This was one of the first books I studied at college. "I will not presume to praise."

3. Bad Land by Jonathan Raban

I admire this book so much. It's a great piece of travel writing and I find most travel writing really dull. He wanders through Montana looking at the landscape left by the pioneer farmers, who tried to farm the arid land at the beginning of the twentieth century. He looks at their houses, he reads the books they read, he traces them in the archives (I bet you wondered when that was coming along, here it is, folks). He puts together primary sources and landscape and oral history and his own observations and art and what is here now and what was there then and ends up making some great observations about the American West now. I also like it because he puts himself into the book; he isn't an all-knowing observer, he's wandering around speculating and surmising and occasionally getting it completely wrong.

4. Anne of Green Gables, by LM Montgomery

It would be dishonest not to put the book that ruined my life on this list. You wouldn't think that the adventures of a lively, talkative redheaded orphan growing up on a Canadian farm would have much to do with the dull childhood and adolescence of a not very talkative brunette growing up in darkest Oxfordshire. But they did.

5. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

I live in a world like this.

Which pushese this into 6th place:

6. Morality Play by Barry Unsworth

This is a story set in the 14th century about a monk who runs away from his monastery and joins a band of travelling players. The players travel to a town where a young boy has recently been murdered. Instead of playing their morality play, they re-enact the murder, even though playing real events is unheard of and probably blasphemous.

It's a gripping detective story; it's about the birth of modern drama out of the old morality plays, which I would love to study properly; it's a wonderful evocation of medieval life; and its dialogue and atmosphere always ring true without a jarring note - hard to do in a historical novel. It's also quite short.

* does anyone understand/can recommend a standard for version control? (Jez? Snaap Dragon?)
here's Pete's quiz

Coo!

Look at the sweet little kakapo chick. Coo!

Bad faith

Records managers and open source.

I should be trying to understand stuff like this. So I link to the articles on my blog and dont' read them.
link

I hate holidays and I can't be bothered to go.

Marv is going on holiday again. And, as usual, she doesn't want to go. Why would I want to go to America? I have my own American to play with when I'm bored.

My name is Marvin and I am a gremlin.

We have two hand mirrors in our house. I can't sit anywhere facing a mirror in a pub.

When I was 7, I had to write an essay about myself. I wrote, "My name is Noly Monoly, I live in Hobbiton, and I have brown eyes and brown hair."
I would never, ever, ever write anything like this on my blog.

Rence returns.

My little brother is coming to see me tomorrow. He has come back from New Zealand. I am fatter and greyer than I was when he left. I missed him like crazy. So I am going to have Wednesday morning off in case I mistakenly enjoy myself too much.

Roll up, roll up!

My choir is singing settings of British poems and songs in Malvern on 25th June. If you've never been to a choral concert before, this is a good start.
link

Kakapo statistics for 2005 breeding season.

10/20 adult females laid
7+ of 17 adult males mated
11/26 eggs were fertile
6/11 fertile eggs hatched.
2/6 chicks died.
5/5 chicks are being hand-raised due to failure of the natural food crop on Whenua Hou/Codfish Island (left to their own devices, all would have died)
4 chicks - F1, F2, MM2 and S1

Marv kindly writes a post for James because she is kind.

James has asked me to observe that:

baby geese look like ducks
baby swans look like geese

only what he thought was a baby swan was in fact a white goose.

James won tonight's tennis match 6-3. His form has returned.

Crazy frog has no flies on me.

Sometimes, living in a hole in the ground on Mars/working in archives has its advantages. I don't know who the crazy frog is. I don't know where he lives and I dont' know what he does. But I discovered today that the Hebrew Educational Aid Society (formerly known as the Boots and Clothes Committee) is not part of the Hebrew Congregation, but a separate organization and therefore is a separate fonds.
link

Smart people and bad ideas revised

I've thought about this a bit more and I've decided that actually I disagree. It's all very well unpicking the logic in other people's arguments. But there is a disadvantage. The disadvantage is that it pisses people off and they won't want to work with you to find a solution. And most of the time you need a workable solution that everyone involved is prepared to support. And if you are working with someone who takes a pride in their logical approach (and I have a prejudice against people who claim to be logical because it's so bloody hard) it's very important that you don't show flaws in their arguments because they take it personally. I think the really skilful people are the ones who can get everyone to reach a workable solution without personality clashes or humiliation. This requires an understanding of what I will rename The Baggage because it's more polite. And anyone who can find a way through the minefield of other people's opinions, preferences, and prejudices to the safe haven of a Decision and a Plan has my deepest admiration and respect.

Mr Fix It All Up and his Incompetent Assistant star in "The Adventure of Pylon View"

8pm Friday Our dauntless duo Make Lists. A list of Things to Buy. A list of Things to Do. Armed with the power of the List, the manifestation of the force of Forward Planning, they will defeat the twin evils of market forces and DIY fashions.

11.30 The doughty pair retire to bed, in readiness for an early start and the beginning of their quest.

8.30 Saturday morning. Our plucky duo leap from their beds, jump into their superhero car, the Fadesmobile, and blast down the motorway to the town of Blot on the Landscape, lying in the shadow of the mighty cooling towers, where the pylons stride over the houses like giant robots.

10am Our heroes venture into the living hell of Focus DIY. Their mission: to obtain the power of neutralisation in the form of magnolia paint. The forces of inefficiency and staff indifference are no match for this plucky twosome. Armed with an industrial tub, they repair to Sainsbury's cafe for a cup of water masquerading as orange juice and a low-grade coffee. Their spirits undampened by this feeble attempt at refreshment, they board the Fadesmobile once more and whizz round to their house, Pylon View, for their meeting with Simon the Estate Agent.

As the dauntless duo stride confidently round the house, they agree that all the rooms need cleaning and repatingin. Lesser spirits might be daunted, but Fix It All Up and Incompetent? No way! What's 2 days' painting to this supersonic pair?

Once more they conquer Hell, emerging this time with rollers, masking tape, sugar soap and other weapons in the fight for neutralisation. Impressed? The Power of List makes anything possible.

Cut to Bank HOliday MOnday morning. Once more the dauntless duo are speeding down the motorway in their Fadesmobile. Their mission: to paint the downstairs, and the main bedroom. Will they succeed? Need you ask?

Our plucky heroes arrive back at Pylon View. Donning their oldest T-shirts, they launch into work. Masking tape, washing skirting boards, painting edges. That's nothing to these desperadoes of decorating.

Watch this space, kids, for more exciting tales of Decorating Derring do, with your favourite characters Fix It All Up and Incompetent. Coming soon to a blog near you!

James and Marv hate DIY. It's official

We painted the sitting room and the kitchen. Matt cleaned the carpet with the stupid carpet cleaner. We accidentally dropped wood stain on the sitting room carpet. We washed the skirting boards. We cleaned the sink of paint more times than I care to rememnber. We swept the patio. We got rid of the pots. We cut some flowers off the rose to give to my Mum. We decided that the paint in the main bedroom looks like sick.

I am writing this just after midnight.

But, dear readers, our agony is your gain. Watch this space for a full account of our crazy adventures...

"How Not to Sell Your HOuse: a Tale of Decorating Derring-do"

Starring: James Lee Pig as Mr Fix It All Up
And: that siren of the blogosphere, Marvin Marbelsons as His Incompetent Assistant

Coming soon to a quality blog near you.